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Sort it out Yourself – winners (plonkers)

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Day 16 Genoa to Nice

The Italian Rivera. Okay avoid this place like the plague. Las Vegas is less ruthless in screwing the last dollar out of you. Most of the beaches are leased or privately owned so you have to pay for a deck chair or changing room or both. Driving along the shore line you can’t see the coast as its blocked by the changing sheds.

The next two photos show how the rich see the Monte Carlo GP, then the locals.. us tourists heard the noise and saw something flash into a tunnel.

Some houses and a rat Lynda made me hang out with… the b$&$%^

Finally got to Nice for a feed. Then got lost on the way home. The plonker said I should join the Legion Etrangere, he reckons they would kick the stuffing outta me …

Its all just to much .. gotta get some sleep

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Day 15 Florence to Genoa

Another walled medieval town/city. The plonker reckons it needs to be fortified to keep No 1 son away from the chocolate fountain.


Then we found some leaning tower and its two associated buildings. I tried to kicked the b@$!&@^$ over but there were too many prat tourists taking photos of holding it up. Would have been nice to crush some of the hordes descended from the Khan.


The Cavillers building on the way to the tower and a close-up of a head. No not Max Head !! There was no room


A pic of Portofino in the rain, so all beach resorts look crap when the sun don’t shine
Genoa,. Apparently this prat called Christopher Columbus was born there but #$%^ him the place is a dump

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Florence

The guide said check out this hilltop town and the Tuscany countryside. Well F@&^% %^ #$%^! If it didn’t rain and make things miserable. First 4 pic’s show total lack of pic taking ability.

So then I left the hotel and laughed at how some prat had parked his Smartcar. The plonker reckons we should have stayed in Florence as there was so much to discover. He should know he conned Lynda into spending all her Euro’s on a leather backpack.

So of to the pub and I meet this beautiful person, in my defence I had had a few beers. Me and the BP were well on the way when the plonker told me we were off home …. And leave the damn bush pig behind. Well like he has taste !!!!!

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Day 13 Rome to Florence

Leaving Rome for Florence. After putting me through the wash that #$%^& Lynda makes me sniff the daisies for a photo,


Then she took some video of the Rome road rats (scooters). Will have to post that separately
After a few wicked hairpins down a little hill range there appears another walled city. Note the image quality isn’t due to the plonkers inability to take photos, it is due to the distances involved and the atmospheric haze that results.


Finally two views of Ponte Vecchio, a Medieval stone closed-spandrel segmental arch bridge over the Arno River, in Florence, Italy, noted for still having shops built along it, as was once common. Butchers initially occupied the shops; the present tenants are jewellers, art dealers and souvenir sellers. They say reference to the bridge first appears in a document of 996.

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My Crown Jewels

So this is Downing Street… now closed to the public cause the biggest Knob in the land lives here. Well watch me use that tart Lynda as a decoy.

Oh crap spotted, oh no moving back through the gates. In the poo now next thing you know I will be in the tower
…. Shudder

Bugger they even have a box to ship me out.


Being tortured in the Tower but these Ground Apples are a bit slow. Got some keys … found some crowns and meet Henry the VIII who helped me escape , but the b@#$%^&&* wanted 99 % of the take. F#^% was I diddled.

But at least he took me to a local pub to celebrate the deal and bought me a beer. Not sure about the hung drawn and quartered bit though. Maybe that beer was one for the road.

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A day in Rome

Okay not gonna bore you with touristy pic’s of Rome. But here it goes

If a fountain is over 2000 years old it turns into a stalagmite and tight and still bloody works… those !#!#$%#%^ Romans

Pic 2 – 3 The Coliseum … do it but it’s a let down … now if they sacrificed the fascist govt tour board employees that do the ticketing etc then it could be a good show

Me mooning the Pope
Some bloody Castle
Bloody Orange trees … there is some significance to these trees it stood out as an anomaly … will have to research this. God this trip will never end with all the backup research
Okay … this is an interesting one .. the “All Seeing Eye” photographed here is in a very important Church in Rome. This “eye” started appearing in many of the church’s and cathedral’s we visited later … this church predated Notre Dame in Paris by many years… It had a solid gold ceiling in certain areas… hence my interest
FYI – the “eye” is also on US currency
Damn a beer and food
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Day 10 – Assisi to Rome

On the road to Rome and Ruin. OMG another hill top walled city, they all start to look the same after a while.

Get to Rome and some fundamentals ie washing clothes have to be attended to. Then that bloody biatch Lynda put me in the machine as well…. I was so dizzy that they slipped away into town to do a quick reccie without me noticing.

Seems they got to the Piazza Della Repubblica and saw how some modern day romans live, a fountain and something sticking up from the ground. Gonna give them hell tomorrow for leaving me behind.

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Piss on a Panda

Okay today I am going to take you through the five steps to safely peeing on a Fiat Panda. No not a real panda you sick individual that would just be plain cruel.

Step 1 – Make sure that fuzz b@%$!^& driving the Panda is at least two blocks away.
Step 2 – Go to the left rear wheel, this makes it harder for feather wearing local nut jobs to see what your doing
Step 3 – Chocks away …. Ha ha ha ha
Step 4 – Get some plonker to photograph you nonchalantly leaning against the targeted Panda. This serves two tasks, 1 you get the evidence of your daring and 2 you can dob the plonker in as the panda pisser as you make your get away if the fuzz return to soon
Step 5 – Post your pic for all to see
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Day 10 – Venice to Assisi

Another day of bloody church’s and castles on hill tops. A testament to man’s ability to rape and pillage his neighbour over the ages. Ohhh that was pretty deep, better lay of the bourbons Grevious. Any hoooow, found some mosaic’s dated 5-6 AD, nearly as old as the plonker’s mother.


The hilltop Republic of San Marino. The plonker told Lynda it must be a new country as it was a Republic…… %^$& internet blew that one …. Ha ha ha
No pic’s of me in this lot but I got one over on the local fuzz. Will detail later 🙂


Photos of the battlements and forts at each point of the crest. There is even a plonker on the battlements.


Last two are of Assisi during the day and at night. This is actually a hill top town with old castle ruins etc. The plonker got lost and spent a couple of hours winding around one lane one way streets. He called it exploring … we all know what that means !!!!

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Day 9 – Venice

Okay a full day in Venice. Not going to mention those f@$#^& gondolas. Started of the day by finding a bike for Lardy and Matt. Name on the crossbar says it all.

Art in Venice “Kiss my Arse” Tried to get some culture in Venice and cross some cultural boundaries … wink wink.

The video shows the best use of those silly Golden Waving Cats I have ever seen.

play-sharp-fill

Hanging out with the lion when I got flash mobbed and nearly kidnapped. The plonker reckons it was a close thing as he wouldn’t have chased the little buggers.


Finally some random shots , if you want tourist shots google Venice … ha ha ha.